Which pop star won Christmas in 2024?

Doling out sleigh bells and coal to the best and worst of pop stars’ holiday offerings

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It's an annual tradition: Every December, artists release their bids to join the hallowed halls of holiday music history. The gold standard remains Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You", which reportedly earns the pop star $2.5 million annually in royalties. This year's crop of seasonal offerings spans from ambitious originals to reimagined classics, with artists trying everything from AI-generated lyrics to funk renditions of Hanukah hymns. To evaluate this year's entries, we're introducing our definitive sleigh bell ranking system: five sleigh bells marks a future holiday classic destined to join Mariah in the pantheon, while one sleigh bell promises pop obscurity.

The Standouts of 2024

Kelly Clarkson leads the pack with "You For Christmas", a collaboration with producer Mark Ronson that expertly channels the golden age of holiday music. The production is pure Motown magic, complete with call-and-response backing vocals and a rich orchestral arrangement that would make Phil Spector proud (complicated legacy aside). The song earns top marks for understanding a fundamental truth about holiday music: it works best when it references the period when classical pop merged into rock and roll and R&B. (5 Sleigh Bells)

On the more contemplative side, Orville Peck's "Happy Trails" brings his signature queer country perspective to the holiday season. The track masterfully evokes the Nashville sound of the 1950s, particularly the lush string arrangements of the Patsy Cline era. It's not explicitly Christmas-themed, but the literal sleigh bells and celestial choir in the bridge place it firmly in the holiday tradition. (4 Sleigh Bells)

When Covers Go Wrong (and Right)

This year's most puzzling entry comes from Kesha, who attempted to transform Lindsey Buckingham's "Holiday Road" into a synth-heavy 80s pastiche. The result strips away the rockabilly charm of the original, replacing its bouncy energy with a more serious, almost sanctimonious tone that misses the point of the source material. (2 sleigh bells)

However, Tower of Power proves that innovative covers can work spectacularly well. The legendary funk outfit brings their signature horn section and groove to "Maoz Tzur" (Rock of Ages), creating a genuinely fresh take on the Hanukkah classic that seamlessly blends sacred tradition with secular soul (5 sleigh bells and a dreidel).

Among the notable cover attempts, Amy Grant revisits her own "Tennessee Christmas". While her voice has aged like fine wine and the new arrangement feels less schmaltzy than the 1983 original, it can't quite recapture the magic that made her one of the pioneers of the contemporary holiday album format. (2.5 sleigh bells)

The AI Experiment

Ben Folds takes an experimental approach with "Xmas AYE EYE" from his album Sleigher, using AI-generated lyrics for a 2:36 AM composition session (0 sleigh bells). While the concept might have felt fresher when ChatGPT was newer, the track does offer an interesting commentary on the commercial obligations of holiday music-making. The result is either brilliant satire or evidence that some traditions are better left to human creativity. That said, the rest of Sleigher showcases Folds' considerable melodic gifts in a more traditional light, particularly on tracks like "Sleepwalking Through Christmas" (4 sleigh bells) that tap into classic AABA song structures and vintage holiday vibes.

The Sleeper Hit

Jennifer Hudson's "Santa For Someone" might be this year's dark horse for future holiday classic status. The song stands out for addressing a rarely-discussed aspect of the season: the financial strain of gift-giving. Hudson wraps this relatable message in upbeat Motown-inspired production, proving that even practical concerns can be transformed into festive fare when handled with the right musical touch. The track closes with some Mariah-worthy vocal runs that seal its status as a potential future classic. (5 sleigh bells)

Synthesized Santa (newsletter bonus)

Our show is intrinsically tied to the history of synthesized music and Wendy Carlos’ Switched On Bach series, so when any new release of synthesized covers is a must listen. This year our very own Zach Tenorio (maker of our Moog infused ad break music) released Synth Guaraldi, a tribute to Vince Guaraldi’s holiday classic A Charlie Brown Christmas. Tenorio is a synth maestro and updates our favorite holiday album with groove support from drummer PWNT. This year get in the holiday spirit by getting funky. (∞ sleigh bells)

Looking Forward As we wade through this year's holiday offerings, one thing becomes clear: the path to creating a new Christmas classic remains as challenging as ever. The most successful entries understand that holiday music isn't just about sleigh bells and seasonal references – it's about tapping into a specific nostalgic sound while finding something new to say about the season. Whether any of 2024's entries will join Mariah in the holiday canon remains to be seen, but the annual tradition of trying ensures we'll never run out of festive tunes to debate.

*As consolation, each sleigh bell contains about twenty individual bells, so even a two-bell rating isn't too shabby.